


Don't Let Your Mistakes Define Your Life

by poppetawoppet



Series: Don't Let Your Mistakes... [1]
Category: American Idol RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-09-13
Updated: 2009-09-13
Packaged: 2017-10-14 18:23:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/152136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poppetawoppet/pseuds/poppetawoppet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Danny is dying, and Kris pursues Adam.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Let Your Mistakes Define Your Life

>                                                                         (I)  
Kris held a note card in his hand, a reminder of everything he had thought of to say, of everything that needed to be said. He ran a hand through his hair, cleared his throat. He wasn’t nervous. He wasn’t sure what he felt at that moment. The air was full of expectation, and that he understood. He looked down at his card.

"First, I have to say that it was an honor to be asked to speak today. I have to admit, when Danny's mom asked me," he smiled at Danny's mother, "I wanted to say no. But then I remembered that of all the people in his life, I may have known him best. Not just because I've been crashing at his house for the past three years. But because he was my friend. Because he did so much for me. Because he was Danny."  
   
Kris looked into the room, some of the faces familiar, some not so much. It was a field of blacks and grays, Allison's hair sticking out more than usual. He cleared his throat again, looked directly at Adam, who raised an eyebrow in a way that dared him to fuck it up. Kris almost grinned, because it was exactly what he needed. He nodded once, looked back at the cards. Remembered.

"The first thing that you should know about Danny is that he was a good guy. The best guy. Even when it was ending... I know most of you probably know that he's a good guy. I'm sure all of you understand that. But it's important to remember it, because it was such a fundamental part of Danny. He put me up for three years because he was a good guy. Even when I broke one of his wedding dishes, he was still a good guy. Mad, but good."

A small laugh passed around the room, small smiles on most of the faces. Kris rubbed his empty left hand reflexively....  
 _  
_  
March 2010

Kris sat down on Danny's couch, laid his head back. It was nice to be somewhere quiet for once, his house... he didn't want to think about his house at the moment, didn't want to go back just yet even though he had just gotten home from a trip to New York.

"So, what's up?"  
   
"Here," Danny handed him a white rubber bracelet with green writing and Kris sighed.

"What's this? Pulmonary fibrosis? A new cause, Danny?"  
   
"Not exactly. Do you remember when I had bronchitis last December?"  
   
Kris nodded. "Yeah, you had to put back the album."

"Remember how the doctor saw something funny, and wanted to take a look?"

Kris looked at the bracelet, then up at Danny, who was fiddling with his hands, looking down at the floor. "Danny, is this what they found?"

Danny sighed. "Yeah."  
   
"What exactly does it mean?"  
   
Kris saw it in Danny's face before he said a word. "Um, well, to put it in simple terms, the air sacs in my lungs are hardening over time, which decreases lung capacity. "

"Jesus," Kris swallowed.  
   
"So, what are your options?"

"Umm, there are some experimental drugs. Unfortunately the kind I have doesn't respond to steroids, so that's out. Other than that? A lung transplant. If I qualify."

Kris wanted to walk out right then. His life is complicated enough without dealing with this. But Danny was his friend, and what was one more complication? "Okay. So say you don't qualify? What if they don't find a match?"

The question hung for a moment. Danny had an answer, but Kris could tell he was trying to find a way to say it.

"Worst case scenario?" Danny swallowed, shrugs. "Six years."  
   
"Fuck."  
   
Danny chuckled. "My thoughts exactly. It's okay, cause my doctor said that I was young, I had a lot of things going for me. As long as I took care of myself, then I'd be fine. That my chances were probably pretty good."

Kris still said nothing, let Danny get it all out. His rambling wasn't annoying, not really. It was just sometimes Danny had so much to say and he couldn't get it out fast enough.  
   
"Plus my doctor said with a disease like this there's no telling how it will go. She says it progresses differently in everyone. So maybe I'll get lucky and just be okay for a really long time, you know? Anyway, I'm really good with this sort of stuff you know?"  
   
It was the plaintive note at the end of the last sentence that got Kris. He remembered that yes, Danny knew all about death, so maybe that was why he seemed so easy about it. Kris could barely process it. He made some sort of conversation before leaving, promising to keep Danny in his prayers.

Danny tilted his head. "Are you ok?"

Kris shrugged. "Not really. I've got a lot of stuff going on. Don't really want to talk about it though."

"If you do, you just call. I'll keep you in my prayers too."  
   
Kris smiled. Only Danny, struck with a life changing disease, would offer to pray for someone else.  
   
*  
January 2011

"How come I have to hear about my best friend's divorce on TMZ?"

Kris blinked, looked at the alarm clock next to his bed in the hotel. "Adam?"

"Well?"

"It's like half past late, man."  
   
"I do not care. I want to know how come I knew NOTHING about this. Seriously, Kristopher, what the hell?"

"Adam, I-"

"What you are going to do is answer your door, because I'm standing outside of it."

Kris stared at the phone as the dial tone rang, could barely register it before the knocking on his door began. The pounding. He threw on a t-shirt, padded to the door, opened it without looking.

"Hi Adam."

Adam shook his head, hugged him, and sat on the couch, arm splayed across the back. "All right, spill. And don't go spouting no comment. Save that for the paps."

"Adam...."

Adam gave him a long look, his face completely earnest. It was the one Kris remembered specifically, because it was Adam at his most open. The one where his eyes said tell me anything and I will not judge. Except Kris knew this time was different.  
   
"And what the hell are irreconcilable differences? You loved her, she loved you.... I don't understand. Fuck Kris, stop standing there and say something! "

Kris took the opportunity to close the door behind him. Instead of sitting next to Adam, like he normally would, he pwalked over to the TV, leaned against it.  
   
"I didn't say anything because I didn't know what to say, Adam," he whispered, mostly to the blank screen in front of him, to the reflection rather than the man.

"Okay, so tell me now. Obviously you've decided to give her the house. Softie."  
   
"Actually we're selling it. Dividing the money. Since she has her own career to fall back on, we've decided that fifty-fifty works best."

"You still love her."

Kris turned, stared. "Of course I still love her, Adam. We've been together for almost ten years now. Married for almost three..."

"Okay," Adam leaned forward, "So what happened? Seriously Kris. I did not see this coming and it's killing me."

"Everything. Nothing I guess if I had to sum it up, it was a bunch of little things that added up to one big thing. I don't know."

"And what would you say was the exact breaking point?"

Kris laughed, sat on the couch, as far away as he could get. "Well the one recurring theme in our fights was feelings."

"Feelings? Not for each other I assume?"  
   
Kris nodded. "Yeah. Feelings for other people."  
   
Adam paused, the stillness of the room punctuated only by the stray sound of a car passing below.  
   
"You,or her?"  
   
Kris put his head in his hands. "Mostly me."  
   
Kris knew the next question, silently begged Adam not to ask it.

"So you had feelings. It's not like you acted on them, right?"

"No."

"But?"

Kris didn't want to say it, but knew Adam would find out on way or another. "She said it was because the other person was better at hiding feelings than I was. That maybe I should go be with.... with him if it's what made me happy. I told her that I would never betray her trust. That it was nothing, that it was..."

Adam's face was panicked. He had caught the appropriate word after all. "Kris..."

"Don't, okay?" Kris could barely peek through his fingers he was so worried."I mean, I don't know what to say."

"Don't say anything." Adam stood, restless, pacing, arms moving as he talked. "Okay, so let me assume here okay?Let me just assume that I'm him. Am I right?"  
   
Kris doesn't move. He doesn't have to.

"What the fuck Kris? Is this new? Old? How long? I'm your best friend, man! It's kind of weird."

Kris lifted his head. "Are you kidding me?"

Adam's eyebrows creased. "No. I'm legitimately freaked out here."

"So it was okay for you to have a crush on me, but not the other way around?"

"I didn't think you were serious when you said it!"  
   
"I wasn't then!"

"Then what the hell changed?"  
   
Kris only then realized that they had begun to yell, was glad he had signed for the suite, although if they got much louder, the people below him might hear.  
   
"I don't know." He rubbed his face. "Anyway, it's nothing, just stuff."  
   
"Nothing? My straight best friend tells me he has feelings for me and it's nothing? I don't think so."

"Aren't you the one who said a crush is a harmless thing?"

" Kristopher! Seriously!" Adam was full tilt now. Kris had only seen him this angry once or twice before. "Did you really believe half the things I said about that? Because most of it was to protect myself, to protect you."

"Maybe I did," Kris mumbled. His head was pounding. This was exactly the reason he had not told Adam.

"I can't deal with this. I cannot deal with this."

"Adam, please." Adam turned, watched as Kris stood and walked over.

"What?"

"Don't do this."

"I have to."  
   
"Why?" Kris could see the tears, see the fight to keep them back.

"Can you honestly look at me, tell me you have had feelings for me and pretend everything is the same?"

"No, but I'd like to try."

Adam laughed, the one Kris hated most, dry and short and completely cynical. "You just. Don't. Get. It. Do you honestly think that you getting a divorce and us being buddy buddy right now is the best idea? Especially with your damnable face? Thanks, but I'd rather not get hounded any more than I am. Call me when things blow over. When you get your head on straight. whatever. But you need to figure out you first. I'm sorry."

Kris could have stopped him, but the churning in his stomach was too painful for him to move. Maybe Adam was right. Kris slammed the door, locked it. He leaned against it, sliding to the floor, sobs racking his body as he began to realize how badly he had fucked up everything in his life  
   
*  
   
February 2011

"Hey, Danny, what's up?"

"Saw you on TV today."

"Yeah?"

"Are you insane? You're thinking of going on tour?"

Kris sighed. "I said I was thinking about it. if I'm going to be living in a hotel room, I might as well be working."

"Do not make the mistake I did. Trust me."

"What are you talking about?"

"Look, my publicist did not hear this: trying out for Idol was probably the worst idea I ever had. I mean, I hadn't processed everything yet, and so, it made everything harder. You have to give yourself time to process Kris."

"I can't live in a hotel forever. I'm not ready to buy a house. Apartments suck."  
   
"Look, come spend a couple weeks at my place, okay? Just don't do anything stupid."

(II)  
   
Kris looked back at his notes, taking a breath. "The second thing that is important about Danny was that he always knew more than you thought. He may have looked clueless," somewhere in the room, Matt snorted loudly, "but he simply liked to play things close. Often, he would surprise me, revealing that he was in fact, not only observant, but pretty damn superior about it too."

This time it was Anoop. "Honestly, one time we tried to prank him, and he turned it around on all of us. We heard about it for weeks on end." Another laugh. Kris nodded to himself. Danny would have wanted laughter.

July 2011

Kris lay on Danny's couch aimlessly flipping through the channels, too tired to really watch, not tired enough to turn it off. That had been his existence for the last six months. Danny didn't bother him much, he was too involved in doctors appointments, meetings with his publicist. Kris had picked up his phone dozens of times, but couldn't call the one person he wanted to. He had spoken to Alli, Matt, the others, but the one voice he wanted to hear, he didn't have the courage to try and call. He wrote music, but it was mostly about Katy. It was also mostly shit. So he spent most of his time worrying about soap opera characters and playing game shows at home.

Danny came in from one of his appointments, cheerful as always, sighed as he saw Kris splayed across the couch. They had only had one epic argument, when Kris had lain in the kitchen with a bottle in his hand, not even close to drunk. Danny had yelled at him and told him he should know better. Kris had admitted he was right.  
   
"If I had known you were going to be this depressing, I might not have offered to let you stay."  
   
"I'll leave if you want me too."

Danny frowned. "Kris, seriously, I know you need time, but this is ridiculous. You told me yourself that it had been over for months. That is not what is depressing you."

Kris sat up, leaned back into the couch. "No, it's not."  
   
Danny sat down. "Let me guess. It's Adam."

Kris felt his mouth drop. "What?"  
   
Danny grinned. "C'mon. Do you really think I'm that stupid? You guys are like best friends. If you were going to be crashing anywhere, it should be his place."

"Maybe I didn't feel comfortable there."

"Bull. Spill it Allen."

Kris clenched his fists. "Look, I barely wanted to talk to him about it, what do think that means for you?"

Danny sighed, leaned over. "Look, the only way it's going to get better is if you let it out. Okay? So spill."  
   
Kris pinched the bridge of his nose. "So when Adam asked me why I got divorced I told him there were many reasons."  
   
"Ok."

"One of them was feelings. Feelings that I had."  
   
Danny hesitated. Kris could hear his thoughts, wondered what was coming next. "For Adam?"

Kris let out a breath. "Yes."

"I can see how that could be a problem." Danny nodded seriously.

Kris could barely believe his calm demeanor. Maybe it was a sign that Danny had grown. Maybe it was a sign that Danny might be more aware than he let on.

"Understatement of the year. Now he's not talking to me."

"Have you tried to? I mean really tried?"

"No."  
   
Danny folded his arms. "Well? What are you waiting for?"  
   
"Are you kidding me?"  
   
"Look, the two of you are supposed to be best friends. Anyone can see that. Anything beyond that, well, whatever. But if you don't at least try, then you'll never know? Right?"

It hit Kris all over again. "Don't let your mistakes define your life?"

"Exactly. Now go call him. Text him. Just don't let your best friend evade you like that. And if nothing comes of it, then you tried. And then maybe you can move on."

(III)

"So now that I've been nice to Danny, I have to say that if he had one fault, it was his stubborn refusal to let anyone help him. It was always him helping everyone else. Even when things took a turn for the worse for him, he was still trying to make things better for others. So maybe it wasn't so much of a fault. Maybe it was an asset. I know at least for me, Danny's help changed my life, turned me around. Maybe it did for you, too."

August 2011

Kris grinned as he hauled his suitcase to the door. He had finally received his first text back from Adam. _Will you stop calling me if I tell you I'm filing a restraining order?_ It wasn't much, but it was an answer. Kris had started by calling once a week, but now was leaving a voice mail a day, and at least ten text messages. Some were serious, others were silly. He sang song lyrics that he thought were appropriate. He would have considered breaking into Adam's house, except there was a gate and a security code. But Danny said he might have a way for working around that.

He frowned at the base of the stairs, noticing new medical equipment.  
   
"Danny?"  
   
"Hey." Kris froze.

Danny was shuffling along, a long tube trailing behind him.  
   
"I thought I told you to cal me if anything changed!"

"Yes, dear," Danny mocked. "I know, I know. It's a setback. But lots of people are on oxygen twenty four hours a day. Plus I think I might be able to cop a handicap sticker out of it so...."

"Danny."

"Kris, I'm fine. Seriously. Anyway, it'll be funny when you trip up over the hose."

Kris didn't push it. He had gotten more information off of the internet than he had out of Danny. He knew more about oxygen and air sacs than he would like too. He started because he was curious. Then he did it because he needed to know, because he was concerned that Danny was too involved in other things to take care of himself. It was like having a child sometimes. Kris would get annoyed with Danny over some of the things he did, but he had to remember that Danny was an adult, plus this was his house.  
   
"Fine. But when I tell you to call me, do it. I need to know how you're doing man."

"Okay, okay, mom. So any news from you?"

Kris nodded. "But nothing exciting. The second album is going well, they want to finish it up and start a tour soon. I told them I'd let them know when I was ready."

"I meant have you heard from Adam yet?"

"Well, not exactly. He threatened me with a restraining order."

Danny laughed. "Well, then I have the thing for you."  
   
Kris glanced at him. "And what exactly is that?"

"I got Allison to give me her security code."

"You didn't."

"I did."  
   
"How?"

"Told her the truth. She pretty much caved in. Now don't give me that look, you can't tell me that Allison was not aware of this."

"I never confirmed anything to her." Kris stared at Danny who looked surprised. "What? She would give me those eyes, where she was all expectant and stuff, and I didn't want her to hope too much, you know? And anyway, she's expecting things to end happily ever after, whereas I'm perfectly willing to settle for a phone call now and then."  
   
Danny was laughing so hard he began to cough. Kris immediately pulled out his phone, but Danny waved him off. "This is great. I should write this all down and make millions on a book deal."

"Thanks. So what do I say when I get there?"  
   
"Are you serious, Kris?"

Kris bit his lip. "I just...I'm afraid I'm going to screw it all up."

Danny dissolved in laughter again. "Do you realize you are asking me to give you advice on how to make up with your gay best friend whom you might possibly have feelings for?"

Kris looked at Danny, began to laugh for the first time in months.  
   
(IV)  
   
Kris shuffled his feet, looked into the assembled again. He immediately caught Adam's eyes, latched on to them.

"Another thing that surprised me about Danny, the more I knew him, was that he was a pretty open guy. Forget that he didn't always act like it, Danny was pretty open-minded about a lot of things. Whenever I needed advice, no matter how weird or scary, Danny had an answer. I don't know how he did it sometimes, putting up with me. I guess it was his big fuzzy heart."

August-December 2011

Kris sat in his car, the code in his hand memorized. He had waited a couple days before coming here. He was afraid to try and use it, afraid Allison may have regretted her decision. Until she called him and told him if he didn't use it she was going to drag him down here herself. And he believed her. Closing his eyes, Kris took a deep breath. _You're already not speaking to him, so really it can't get much worse, right?  
_  
The house was everything Kris expected. It was big, but not so much it looked ridiculous. The grounds were a riot of flowers already, staff moving unobtrusively in the gardens. Kris knew Adam wasn't there yet, knew he had an interview this morning. So he drove up to the door, tipped the valet, and knocked on the door. A very confused staff member answered the door, recognizing Kris.

"Don't worry, Adam knows I'm coming. Do you think I could have gotten past the gate without him knowing?"

The maid (or whatever she was) nodded, led Kris to a room that was so definitely Adam he grinned. It was leather and chrome, but with colors splashed around the edges, a hint of sparkle in the paint. He noticed awards placed in niches, walked around to read them, pausing at the one Grammy that meant the most. The one they had shared.

Kris remembered writing the song, for a movie, even though it hadn't fit him. Katy had asked him about it, and Kris said, _I don't know, I guess I was in an Adam mood that day._

So he had conned Adam into recording the song. Thinking back it was probably the beginnings of when Kris began to see Adam in a different way.  
   
"How the hell did you convince Allison to give you her code?"

Kris turned, grinned at the sight of Adam, in a casual state of designer jeans and a t-shirt, his face the perfect balance of anger and expectancy.  
   
"I didn't. Danny conned it out of her."  
   
It was a rare treat to see Adam surprised. "Gokey? Danny as in Gokey?"  
   
"Yeah."  
   
"Well I'm changing it tomorrow and she has to convince me that I should give her a new one. What the hell are you doing here, Kris?"

Kris sat in one of the chairs, ignoring the rising anger in Adam's eyes.

"Plan B. You won't answer your phone, so I escalated."  
   
" Seriously. I told you, you needed to sort you out."

Kris delighted in the exasperation in Adam's voice. Hell, just being in the same room had brightened his day.

"But I am sorted."

Adam continued to stare at Kris, who had leaned back, one foot on his knee.

"Really? You've gone from 'having feelings' to okay in six months?"  
   
Kris shook his head. "No. Just I've decided that there are certain things in my life that are too important to let go. You're friendship is one of them. Should I lie and tell you that I feel differently than six months ago?"

Adam sat. "Kris..."

Kris uncrossed his leg, leaned forward. "No. This time I get to explain. This time I'm not half asleep. First off, if you can handle being attracted to me and bunking on a tour bus, then I certainly can handle myself living in a different house. Secondly, it wasn't like I told Katy I wanted to jump you. It was just that I had feelings. I know that's kind of vague, but that's the only way I know how to explain it. Thirdly and most important: when I said there were many reasons I got divorced, that's exactly what I meant." Kris stood again, found a window. "I could go into the gory details--"  
   
"No thank you."  
   
"Or I could say that things changed, and not for the better. I wanted to start a family, she wasn't ready yet. She wanted me to stay home more. I wanted her to stay home more. There were a rainbow of reasons we got divorced and you might have been one color. Does that make sense?"

Adam had been staring at him the whole time, his face as always the perfect mask. But when Kris finished, there was a twitch at the corner of his mouth, then a chuckle. "A rainbow of reasons? Kristopher, it's a wonder you won a Grammy for songwriting."  
   
Kris almost burst at the smile on Adam's face. "Two actually. And an Oscar nomination."

Adam shook his head. "All right, you've made your case."

"So are you going to answer my phone calls?"

Adam sighed. "I don't know. I guess maybe I need time. You threw me a pretty wicked curveball."

Kris mock applauded. "Gold star sports reference."

"You know I love baseball."

"I know you love the uniforms."

Adam threw his head back, laughing, and for a moment, Kris felt he’d gained a little more ground just in that laugh.

"Are you going to change the code. Really?"  
   
"Maybe. Why? "

"Cause I thought I might annoy you some more. I mean Danny's been cool and all, but who else can I talk to about boys and make up and sex?"

Adam bestowed him a narrow look. "Get out of here before I change my mind, Allen."

Kris smiled, "I'll see you."  
   
*

Adam did not change the code. Kris came by every other day or so, only for a few minutes. Long enough to make Adam laugh, to remind him that the only thing that mattered was they had been friends once, they could be again. One time it was after Adam had been caught with his latest boyfriend, Gary or George or something, and Kris had complimented his taste. Had said that Gary/George was quite the catch.

It was a measure of Adam's will that all he did was raise an eyebrow, said, "I hadn't realized you were checking out other men."  
   
"Well, you know. I'm curious," Kris was proud he wasn't blushing yet. "I was wondering if it was just you, or if there was something I had been missing my whole life."

"And?"  
   
"I don't know. I'll let you know once I've kissed a couple. To see ."  
   
"Oh so now we're going to be kissing random guys?"

"Oh, I don't know. I might."

"Kris, I don't know whether to be proud, embarrassed or jealous."

Which was how Kris had found himself on a date with a guy, someone Adam swore could keep quiet. It was nice. Surreal. Kris laid in his bed, replaying the night over, wondering why it hadn't been special. The guy had been super cool, really easy to talk to. But he wasn't Adam. There was the problem. Kris could freely admit that maybe he did find guys attractive, but there was the small problem of that he would always compare them to Adam.  
   
*

"So how was your date?"  
   
"I'm sure my man date is the last thing you want to hear about, Danny."

Danny sat down at the kitchen counter. "I don't know. I'm curious. Is it the same as a girl date?"  
   
"Well no one got flowers if you are asking."

"Hmmm, so you went to dinner. Anything else?" Kris stared at Danny who was leaning forward with genuine interest.

"Really?"  
   
"I've always wondered how it works. The dating thing that is."

"You surprise me, Danny."  
   
"I surprise a lot of people sometimes. So tell me, was it like a girl date?"  
   
"Yes. No. A little. The premise is the same I guess. He asked me if I wanted to go clubbing later this week. I don't think I'm there yet."

Danny laughed. "No. Don't think so. So kiss, no kiss?"

Kris couldn't believe it. "Are you sure you are feeling all right?"  
   
"C'mon, Allen, all those months and all of us dying to know, and Adam wouldn't say a word. We all wondered a little."  
   
Kris cleared his throat, remembering the late nights he and Adam would stay up talking about anything. Anything. "Okay. Kiss."

"And?"

Kris started to blush, mortified. "I don't know. It was nice."  
   
"Are you going out with him again?"  
   
"I don't know. Don't get me wrong, but-"

"He's not Adam."

"How-" Danny gave him a long look. "I know because every girl I go out with isn't Sophia. And you've got it worse, because every girl isn't Katy, and every guy isn't Adam. Sucks to be you."  
   
"Are you mocking me?"

"Maybe. Has Adam decided you're going to be friends yet?"  
   
"No."

"You should try another angle."

"Like what?"

"I don't know. Write him a letter. Write him a song. I don't know. Just be persistent. The fact he hasn't turned you away is a good sign, right?"

"Right. Wait, I have an idea."

*  
   
It was the first of June, and Kris was sitting by his phone and waiting. It rang exactly at three, right when Adam got home.  
   
"I can't believe it. It's Tuesday and you aren't here."

"Hi Adam, how are you? I'm good. Glad to hear everything is okay."  
   
"Where are you?"

"Why, do you miss me?"  
   
"Maybe. There's a package here. Did you get me a present?"

"Not exactly. Open it and call me back."

 _11 reasons why Adam Lambert and Kris Allen should be best friends (again) a list with accompanying music._

 _Adam, I've been wracking my brain, and then I remembered one of the reasons we're friends (and I choose to believe we are friends), is that we both love music. So drawing inspiration from there, here is a list of ten reasons (with songs included) as to why you should let me be your bestie again.  
   
"For good"-Wicked"_

 _1. **People come into our lives for a reason:** now I choose to believe fate led me to Hollywood, and the producers put me with you. But there's a reason we were both there. How can you not believe that, given everything that happened on the show? Can you honestly say that the competition would have been the same without each other? I can't even imagine it. Just as hard as it has been without you there by my side, a phone call away. I bet you've missed me too._

 _2. **I know I'm who I am today because of you** \- who else could have conned me into that sparkly shirt I wore top 3 night? Who else could have assured me that remaking a rap song was a good idea? Who else can I talk to about anything without getting completely embarrassed or shy? (Well, mostly) You are the one person in the world I know who does not judge, is completely honest, even when it hurts, and I miss that. A lot. Danny has an awful habit of skirting around the issue, and sometimes I want to punch him. Don't tell him that. Really, there are things only you and I get about each other. Don’t you miss being able to say anything and watching my reaction? Testing me? I bet you miss making me blush._

 _3. **So much of me is made of what I learned from you.** Again, how could I survive this world without knowing that the best accessory is eyeliner? That it isn't what you wear but how you wear it? Who taught me vocal techniques in trade for guitar lessons? Sometimes I wonder if I could have ever made it so far without your help, your guidance. Sometimes I need to pick up the phone and say hey Adam do you think I should wear the blue plaid or the brown. And to hear you say blue, because it matches your eyes. I learned that attitude is everything, that there are so many ways to say nothing to use words as a defense.  
   
"Unusual You"- Britney Spears-\  
   
4\. **Nothing about you is typical, nothing about you is predictable** \- okay I know that's obvious. But without you in my life, all I have is Danny, and as surprising as he is sometimes, he's never going to ask me if glitter underwear is too much, or if oral on the first date is a bad thing. Every time I turn around, there is something new about you, and it only make me want to be around to see it. I miss your unpredictability. I miss blushing all the time. And even though I'm as predictable as the calendar, I hope that maybe you want me around too._

 _"You've got a Friend In Me"-Randy Newman_

 _5. **You've got troubles, well I've got em too, there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you**. Do you remember, after the tour was over, we promised we'd be there no matter what shit was going down? Well you haven't been there, and it's sucked. I’m hoping the fact that I wasn’t there for you sucked too, because then we’re in the same boat. I know I threw you for a loop. It threw me for a loop too. I'm not going to say that my feelings have gone away, because they haven't. But the most important thing is that if we're old and gray, and still just best friends, I'm okay with that if that's what makes you happy. I want to be the first person you call after a break up, when you get married, when you have babies. I want that to be me. I want you to be that person for me, too._

 _"My Life Would Suck Without You"- Kelly Clarkson  
   
6\. **Maybe I was stupid for telling you goodbye.** Look, when you walked out of my life, I should have stopped and explained everything then. I shouldn't have gone six months without you knowing that I screwed things up. I'm sorry. I should have told you about everything earlier. I was just so afraid I would lose you. And I did._

 _7. **My Life would (and has) Suck (ed) Without You**. Seriously this says everything._

 _"You've Got to Have Friends"- Bette Midler  
   
8\. **You've got to have friends to make the day last long** \- Frankly, without you, time has reached a slow, muddling pace. Every day is the same as the last. When you are around, everything is brighter. I need more bright in my life. At least that's what you told me before._

 _"We Go Together"- Grease_

 _9. **We go together like rama lama lama be ding a de dinga dong**. Bet no one makes you laugh like that._

 _"Endlessly"- Muse_

 _10. **I won't give up, I won't let you down and I won't leave you falling if the moment ever comes**. Seriously. I'm not going to give up until you either say yes or call in that restraining order. I know I've made mistakes, but I'm not letting that rule my life. (and you have no idea how much Gokey gloated when I adopted his philosophy). I can't promise for sure that I won't let you down, but I will promise that I'm going to try, and if I do let you down, I'm just going to make it up to you in some way._

 _"Adam"- Kris Allen_

 _11\. Call me before you get to this one. I want to hear you laugh and curse me for getting this music back in your head after all this time. It's certainly stuck in mine._

 __Kris picked up the phone, heard the familiar music in the background.  
   
"You had to use the bubbletweet music."  
   
"Catchy huh?" Kris could hear himself singing in the background, the music Matt had originally come up with, with his own lyrics,  
   
"It's a song I wrote for Adam/ convincing him to be my best friend/ It's a song I wrote for Adam to say there are broken bridges to mend. It's a song I wrote for Adam/saying he's acting stupid/ It's a song I wrote for Adam/It's not like I was struck by cupid. It's a song I wrote for Adam we really got along so well/It's a song I wrote for Adam I've been annoying as hell. It's a song I wrote for Adam hoping he finally says yes/ It's a song I wrote for Adam/ please don't make me wait and guess."

"Kristopher..."  
   
Kris tried to decide what it was he heard in Adam's voice, but couldn't tell. "Yeah?"  
   
"Has anyone ever told you that you are too perfect sometimes?"  
   
"You did on several occasions."

"Yeah. So I'm changing my security code tomorrow."

Kris's heart sank a little.  
   
"But you can have your own code now. I give up. You win. You can even bring over Danny if you want. Just as long as he doesn't cough up a lung on my carpet."  
   
"Mmmm.. lungburgers."

"Kristopher Neil Allen!"

"Aren't you glad you have me back?"  
   
"Don't make me regret my words."  
   
"I won't."

*  
   
The first time they hung out again as friends Adam lay it out on the line.  
   
"All right, before I change my mind, tell me what really happened. The whole story."  
   
"Adam..."

"Do it. I bet even Danny doesn't know the gory details."

"Danny has other things to worry about right now."  
   
"Is he doing okay? Really? Cause he says he is, but I don't know. He has a habit of glossing things over."

Kris leaned back in his chair, sighing. "I don't know. Everything seems to be on a level right now. It’s hard saying. It's a hard thing to deal with, because every case is different. And Danny, he's always positive, but somewhere down deep, it's starting to get to him a little."

"And are you okay?" Adam tilted his head just slightly, his eyes never moving.

"I guess. I don't know. I thought you wanted to hear about my divorce?"

Adam smiled, "Well yes, but I thought I'd warm you up to it."

Kris shook his head. "Where do I begin? Can I just list reasons?"

"Will you elaborate if I ask?"

"Depends."

"Then by all means list away." Adam swept his hand across, as if Kris were speaking to a wide audience.

"Well, I guess it started with our schedules. We never saw each other. We tried. But the more we saw each other the less it seemed we had in common. I wanted kids. She wasn't ready yet."

"You would have had adorable babies."

Kris pressed his lips together. "Not helping."  
   
Adam nodded, motioning for Kris to go on.  
   
"We started fighting about stupid stuff. I began to forget why we got married in the first place. I..." He rubbed his eyes, surely he had cried about it enough. "I don't know. It just seemed with every passing day, there was less us and more me and her."

"But you still loved each other."

"I married her. I'll always love her in some way. Maybe in another lifetime, another universe, maybe it would have worked. I don't know. I still talk to her every once in awhile. Maybe we can be friends, if we try hard enough. Is that gory enough for you?"

"One more question."

Kris shut his eyes. He had glossed over the part that had gotten him and Adam into trouble in the first place. "You want to know about my feelings."

"I do." Kris could hear Adam shift. "I had a lot of time to think about it, and the one question that always came to me was when? When did it change?"  
   
Kris sat up, looked directly at Adam. "I don't know. Not exactly. Sometime between then and now. God," Kris rubbed his face again. "Do you remember when we were working on the song, and we went out to that hole in the wall by the beach?"  
   
"Yeah. It was called Bob's, and I feared for my life," Adam smirked.  
   
"They loved you there. Do you remember that abandoned house, with the swing set?"

"Yeah. We totally broke into the backyard, and I couldn't use the slide cause I was too tall."  
   
" _I_ was too tall for that slide. I think it was then."

"Then? Really?"

Kris nodded, remembering how Adam had tucked his legs and leaned back as he glided through the air, the complete bliss on his face. He remembered Adam daring him to do the same, catching Adam's eyes as his heart beat in his chest from fear that the rusty swingset would break underneath him. Looking up at the stars, then down again, and he had seen the complete joy on Adam’s face, the complete freedom then, and something had shifted. Well, not shifted. Maybe for the first time, Kris acknowledged a possibility that wasn't there before. That was when everything changed.

Kris looked at Adam. "Really."

"And if I told you that I wasn't interested?"

"Okay."

"You'd do that for me?"

"You did it for me."

Adam nodded, filing away some sort of mental thought. "All right. I'm good. Now tell me, what's it like living with Danny? Really?"  
   
*

The next months passed in a blur. Kris decided to finish his second album, most of the music he had written was  better. In fact he was quite proud of all of the songs. If there was a unifying theme to his first album, he couldn't point it out. For his second, it was most certainly redemption. In all the ways it was possible. The first person he thanked was Katy, for being strong enough to stand with him, and for being strong enough to stand alone. The second person he thanked was Danny, for putting up with him, for reminding him that no one was perfect, that he had to make mistakes in order to learn from them. The third person he thanked was Adam, for remaining his friend, even when things got weird, for putting up with all the curveballs he had thrown and was planning to throw in the future.

Adam had called him on that one. "All the curveballs you are planning on throwing my way?"

"Well, you know, just in case."  
   
"Sometimes I wonder Kristopher, how it is I put up with you."

Kris smiled, and went on with planning a tour. The problem was, was that no matter what promise he had made Adam, things were different. Kris recognized the attraction. When Adam was there, everything was brighter, he picked up. Every time he looked at Adam, Kris noticed something else he liked. He tried not to stare too long, tried to hide it. He wasn't so sure he was doing too well.  
   
Adam and Danny kept setting him up on dates, both boys and girls. Kris's publicist yelled at him when the pictures came out, but Kris simply made no comment to the media, and told her at least he wasn't making a fool of himself. His album sold very well the first week: whether it was because Kris Allen's music was good or because Kris Allen was on  _Access Hollywood_ every week, Kris didn't know. Or care. 

Until the night of his first concert.

He decided to start in LA, move east, do a few dates in Canada, go to Europe for awhile, then crisscross back home. It would be a year or so before he could be back permanently, but it made him glad. He felt he had imposed on Danny's hospitality for long enough. And maybe on the road, he could begin to clear his head, to resolve himself that he needed to move on.

He smiled as he saw friends in the crowd, the night passing in a blur of music and cheers and lights. There was a small after party. Danny left early, saying he was tired. Allison jetted off because she had a recording session at o dark early, as she said. Kris found himself briefly with Katy, who hugged him warmly and told him she was happy for him.  
   
"The record is good."  
   
"Yeah?"

"Yeah."  
   
"Are you doing okay?"  
   
"I think so. Hard to say."

"All right Kristopher. Spill."  
   
"I don't know. Part of me feels guilty for leaving Danny alone, because sometimes I think he needs someone there to stop him from having a complete breakdown. Or just to keep him from lying to himself about how he feels. Hell, just to keep him line. A part of me feels relieved, because it's damn depressing being around him sometimes. But then I feel guilty because I feel relieved."

Katy rubbed his shoulder with one hand. "Not to mention that you're totally falling for your best friend. Don't give me that pained look. I have eyes you know."

"Katy, it was hard enough to convince him we should still be friends without adding anything else into the mix."

"If you are telling me he wants to be just friends, then you obviously haven't seen the way he's been looking at you, either." She shook her head. "Boys. Trust me, no matter what he says, he's still interested."  
   
Kris managed not to look at Adam, an effort that was almost too much. "Really?"

She smiled. "Really. Now are you going to do something about it, or not?"  
   
Kris stewed on this awhile, until the only two people left were him and Adam. He ended up driving Adam home, because Adam was slightly drunk.  
   
He managed to prop Adam up enough to get him in his house, to sit him on his bed. Kris took off his shoes, and grabbed a glass of water for him to have in the morning.

"Are you leaving me now?" Adam mumbled, still sitting up, though not very well.

"Yes. I'll call to make sure you survived the night."  
   
"All right." Adam stood, walked over and gave Kris a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

He stood like that for a moment, still breathing on Kris. Kris sighed, his insides curling inward. Adam smelled like vodka and cologne and his hair was sticking up in so many ways, he kind of resembled a hedgehog. His eyes were slightly blurred by the alcohol, his face smudged. He was still perfect.

"Are you going to say goodnight. Kris?"

Kris nodded slowly, his head thick. To hell with it. "Night Adam."

He turned his head, thankful Adam is slouched down, pressed his lips warmly against Adam's. He heard the quick gasp, saw the widening of Adam's eyes as he leaned in, probing gently with his tongue. Adam hadn't moved yet. Kris pulled away, looked at Adam carefully.

"Why did you stop?" Adam asked, and that was enough for Kris. He pushed Adam into the door, his hands holding down Adam's, first exploring Adam's mouth, the line of his chin, gently nipping at the hollow of his throat, everything inside of him tightening as Adam let out a small moan, working his way back up.

"Thought," Adam gasped as Kris bit his ear, licked behind it, "we agreed," Kris shifted, knowing exactly what Adam was feeling now, "to be friends."

Kris snapped out of his daze, looked up, cursed himself silently. "Yeah. Um. Jesus. You're drunk."

"Yes, I am. I like drunk sex."

Kris had to restrain himself as Adam grabbed for him, was suddenly aware of how precarious things were. He gently led Adam back to his bed.

"You should sleep."  
   
"I don't want to sleep right now."  
   
“Yes you do."

The next morning when he called Adam, Adam asked him if he had done anything inappropriate. Kris knew Adam was lying about what he remembered. It hurt a little, but he also remembered that he had promised Adam, that he had broken that promise. So maybe it was better if they both pretended nothing had happened.

But when Kris closed his eyes all he could remember was how perfect they had fit together, and he knew he was in trouble.  
>(V)

"So I guess trying to come up with something bad to remember about Danny is just too hard. Well, except for his smelly feet, but that's a memory us guys would love to bury with him," Kris looked at his friends, all laughing, Scott nodding the most emphatically. "So maybe I can come up with another good one. Danny was always on the other end of the phone for you, no matter the time zone, no matter the problem, whether it was something as silly as dating advice, or something as serious as dating advice. If you needed him, he was there for you. He was everyone's family." __

 _Conversations and Meetings 2013_

January

"You kissed him."

"Yeah. But he was drunk."

"He wasn't that drunk Kris. I know Adam, and the man can hold his alcohol."

"But I promised him that we could be friends without making it weird."

"Do you really just want to be his friend anymore?"

"No." Kris was slightly surprised by this, even though it had been his thoughts for so long.

"Then there's a problem. Look, the only way to get something you want is to go out and get it. So do it."

"What if he says no?"

"What if he says yes?"

*

Kris had a brief opportunity to go back to LA, a short stop before hitting the Northwest. He waved at the doorman, who had no reason not to let him in, found Adam in his studio, tinkering on the computer.

"Hey."

Adam looked up, not completely surprised. "Hey."

"I have like ten minutes, so I'll make this quick."

"Kris-"

"Nope. I know I said I would let you decide on this whole friends/ not friends/ boyfriend thing, but I can't let it go. I'm attracted to you. Like really attracted to you. If that kiss didn't say it. And don't tell me you don't remember, because I know you do. And I know you're scared, but I am too. Just think about it okay? I'm not going to be back here full time for about a year anyway, so let this stew in your head."

Kris strode into the room, took Adam's face in his hands, and instead of doing what he wanted, which was sitting in Adam's lap and making out, he brushed his lips softly against Adam's, a bare whisper of a kiss. He walked away before Adam could say anything.

*

February

"So I hear you're going to be in New York around the same time I am."

Kris could hear Adam's mental sigh. "Yes I am Kristopher."

"It'd be a perfect place for a first date: Central Park, we could go to the theater, I'm sure you know the best clubs..."

"You want to go clubbing with me?"

"Would it be a date?"

"Kris, I know the media has pretty much accepted you dating both guys and girls. I'm not sure if I'm ready for it to be me."

"That's okay, I can wait."

"Kris-"

"Have you been to see Danny lately? How's he doing?"

"Changing the subject?"

"For now."  
*  
"Hey! How are you Danny?"

"I'm good. I got the letter from the University: I'm going to get evaluated for a lung transplant."

"That's great news! It is great news right?"

"Well, it's just to see if I'm eligible. You should see the list of all the things I have to do."

"Really?"

"Really."

Kris listened as Danny lists basically every medical test known to man, wincing in sympathy. "Hey, all for a good cause right?"

Danny yawned. "Right."

"It's like one in the morning there. Why did you answer the phone?"

"I don't know. Can't sleep? Plus sometimes I think you need me more than I need you. Ha."

"Danny, am I going to have to hire you someone to take care of you when I'm not there?"

"You had to leave the nest someday."

Kris laughed. "Go to sleep Danny."

"Yes, mom."

March

They were sitting at some remote cafe in the middle of New York, bundled up enough not to be recognized right away when the reporter found them.

"I bought my own coffee, so this does not count as a date, you know," Adam sipped carefully, sunglasses hiding his eyes.

Kris chuckled. "I'm perfectly aware of that. Anyway, you aren't ready yet. That's ok. I'm game."

"Do you have any idea how weird this is for me?"

"I have an inkling. It's okay, I've never really pursued anyone before, so this is all new territory for me too."

"Pursued? Is that what you are calling it?" Adam's expression was bemused.

"Well, if I was courting you, I'd be sending flowers and calling your mother. If I was dating you, I'd be holding your hand and or kissing you. If I was fucking around with you-" Kris grinned as Adam choked a little, "We wouldn't even be outside right now."

Adam took off the shades, his eyes clouded, with what Kris wasn't entirely sure. "You. I cannot deal with you. One minute you're wooing me and the next you’re making me laugh my ass off. Huh. I've never been pursued before."

"Really? I cannot believe that."

"Well, at least in a non-stalker way."

"It _is_ you."

They both looked up and saw the young woman approaching. Kris sighed as he saw the mini tape recorder.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?"

" Sure," Adam said, his eyes tight, his body tense.

"So, this looks cozy. Are you two an item now?"

Adam opened his mouth, but Kris cut him off. "Look, no offense, ma'am, but I haven't seen my best friend in almost two months. I'm not saying we want you to leave or anything, but frankly, even if I was dating him, which I am not, I really don't think I'd want to discuss that right now." Kris glanced down as his phone buzzed. "Anyway, I have a sound check to get to, so if you'll excuse me?"

Both the reporter and Adam stared at him for a minute. Then Adam stood, politely shaking her hand, hugging Kris quickly and tightly.

Kris was halfway to the studio when he got the text.

 _It would have been funnier if u told her we were dating_

 _But untrue. I'm not sure she would have gotten the concept of pursuing._

 _Ha. Yes. I like being pursued. you should keep doing it._

 _OK._

May

Kris rubbed his eyes as he lay on his bed. He hasn't gotten used to the time change here yet. He liked Europe. There was a permanence here, and a feeling of being settled that he can't get anywhere in America. But it is not home, either. He is somewhere outside of London, and he has the next day off and he is excited to go sightseeing, to do absolutely nothing to do with music. If only he could sleep.

His phone rang.

"Adam?"

"You haven't called me in two weeks. I'm worried about you."

Kris blinked. "What? Oh, I'm sorry, I, well, this time change thing is killing me."

"Yeah, I get that. Actually I heard you were in England."

"Yeah?"

"So guess who has a day layover at Gatwick?"

"You are kidding me, right?"

"No."

"You saying you want to hang out tomorrow?"

"Definitely. But not a date. I'm paying my own way."

"Whatever. You totally want to go check out impossibly hot men with great accents with me."

"You _are_ an impossibly hot man with a great accent."

Kris says nothing, the heat rising slowly up his neck.

"You're blushing now, aren't you?"

"Yes."

"Good. I'll see you tomorrow. Pick me up around 9 ish. I'll let you know exactly where tomorrow."  
*

Kris had no trouble convincing Adam they need to be complete tourists, so the first thing they do is try to get one of the Buckingham Palace guards to move. Adam said his idea was the best, but Kris wasn't going to moon anyone, no matter how much fun Adam said it was. They go a little crazy in the Science Museum, pressing every single button and lever in the whole building. A couple of the tour guides and guards give them amused looks, but for the most part, Kris had a feeling they'd seen worse. They have fish and chips "This is _amazing_ and _totally_ bad for me" Adam sighed, at a local pub, a young girl squealing as she recognized them, almost fainting as they dutifully signed autographs and took a picture.

Adam sighed as Kris drug him through the Underground, stopping at King's Cross Station just so they can see Platform Nine and Three Quarters. It isn't there, but Kris had a friendly stranger take a picture of them between platforms nine and ten. It was quite possibly one of the happiest days of Kris's life. They sat in the airport lounge, mostly empty for now, laughing at stupid jokes. Adam leaned his head into Kris shoulder and closed his eyes.

"If this had been a date, this is the part where you kiss me."

"But it's not. you told me so."

"I know."

There is a hint of something in Adam's voice and Kris could tell he was close to the edge, that he was almost there, if Kris pushed... But Kris could also tell Adam isn't ready yet, was still conflicted somewhere deep inside. So instead of turning his head and kissing Adam, he simply held his hand, caressing the back with his fingers.

"Maybe next time."

*

July

Kris hated red-eye flights, hated that in two days he was going to be back on one again. But it was important, no matter what Danny said. He picked up his phone again, making the necessary arrangements.

"I told you I was fine."

"Bullshit." Kris dropped his bag on the floor. "You are not fine. I know, I know, you are young, the fact that you are too healthy to qualify for a lung transplant is a good thing, but you are not fine."

Danny sat down. "No, I'm not. But you have a concert in two days in Germany. You shouldn't be here."

"One of my best friends got bad news. I'm exactly where I should be.Now we are having a big party tomorrow and you are going to like it."

"A party? Like the one we had after you moved in?"

Kris shuddered, remembering how Danny had tried to cheer him up with lame movies, popcorn and an offer to buy him sex.

"No, no prostitutes. Just friends."

*

  
Kris sat back, gloating silently as Danny laughed at one of Anoop's jokes. It is the first time in four years all of them had been together, and it was 2009 all over again. Except Anoop and Megan were married, had a _baby_ , Matt was engaged to a lovely girl who couldn't quite decide whether to ask for autographs or to join in their general amusement. Allison's hair was more purple than pink these days, though she said she was going back soon. Everyone was here, well almost everyone. Adam was in Japan, but he should be calling in...

"I got it," Kris stood up as his laptop made a noise. He turned it on. "Hey everybody, we've got a new guest!"

Adam had just woken up, hadn't even had a chance to get ready. But the window of time for him to be there was so short, he had been willing to make the sacrifice. For a price to be named later, he had told Kris.

"Hey, Danny, sorry I couldn't be there, but you know I'll come see you when I get home and annoy the hell out of you just so you won't miss Kris. Haha, No really, man, hope you are doing all right."

"I'm doing better right now," Danny glanced at Kris, who shrugged.

"Good now Kris, take me in the other room, so I can have a word with you."

Kris ignored the pointed looks as he left the room, setting his laptop on a bed. "What?"

"First off, how in the hell did you manage this?"

"I used my celebrity status as well as promising a lot of things to a lot of people."

Adam nodded. "Okay. Second, when are you back in the US full time?"

"Um, September? I think I'm in Maine? Why?"

"Just curious as to when I'll get better timed phone calls, that's all. I miss talking to you. Anyway, I gotta go."

Kris couldn't ignore the whispers as he rejoined the party. "What?" He looked directly at Danny. "Please tell me you didn't say anything."

Danny spread his hands, eyes widening, " _I_ didn't say anything. Allison however, may or may not have guessed something and I may or may not have nodded in agreement."

Kris stared, open mouthed as everyone smiled at him. "I, I,"

Then everyone started talking at once, babbling advice. Kris caught Danny's eyes, and threatened him silently. Danny ignored it, sitting back and smiling.

*

"Look, Danny, Kay isn't my assistant anymore. She only works part time, but if you need anything, just call her. Trust me, she's the best."

"Kris-"

Kris took Danny's arm. "No, listen. You've done a lot for me lately. Let me do something for you."

"Okay."

September

Kris was glad to be on home soil again, even if he was still a coast away from home. He didn't even realize Adam was there until the after party, waved at him through the crowd of people. He could feel Adam watching him the whole time, and wondered why he was there. It was hours later when everyone had cleared, when they were alone in the room he found out why.

"Hey. Didn't expect to see you."

Adam nods. "That was the point."

Kris found himself pushed into the wall, barely registering a protest before Adam's lips began to assault his own, his one hand in Kris's hair, the other pressed firmly against his chest, then rubbing his back, tugging at his shirt. Kris shifted, Adam's knee between his legs, couldn't help but ride up on it a little. Adam's mouth, _oh God_ , Adam's mouth was working its way down his jawline, and Kris could hear himself whimpering. He raised his hand, to hold on, to pull closer, instead pushing Adam away.

"Wait."

"Damn," Adam whispered. "Didn't distract you fast enough."

Kris stared at him. "What?" And then he realizes why Adam was here. "Are you serious? Jesus Adam, if I wanted to fuck you, we could have done that a long time ago."

"It's not like that."

"Oh really, then how is it like?"

"I didn't intentionally come here thinking I would- we would- " Adam ran a hand through his hair, "I just wanted to see you, ok? You're the one who keeps inserting yourself into my life! And then I watched you on that stage, back here, and I wanted. I wanted you."

Kris stared for a moment, not sure whether to be pleased or to be angry. "You know what I want."

"Dating is overrated."

"You're only saying that because you haven't had much success at it. It's no just about dating Adam. I'm not...I'm a relationship kind of person. I want an actual relationship."

"Those don't work too well for me," Adam stared down at his hands.

"Like my track record is any better!!" Kris turned away. "I think you are scared."

"Scared?"

"Scared of anything messing up what we have. Well I have news for you, Lambert. I can't just be your friend, I can't just be your fuck buddy. I want both. Asshole."

Before Adam could say anything, Kris walked out of the room. He did not sleep, because he was worried he may have made things worse, he may have made things impossible. Until his phone buzzed.

 _Kris. Please. Talk to me._

Kris ignored Adam for the whole day. He needed time to think to organize his thoughts. He called him late that night.

"Hey."

Kris could hear Adam breathing. "Are you going to talk to me?"

Adam sighed loudly. "Look, I'm not completely sorry, okay? Because you've inspired all sorts of new healthy dreams for me. So I can't be sorry about that."

Kris snorted a little. "Glad to be of service to your imagination and your left hand."

Adam paused. "You know I'm ambidextrous."

Kris shivered, his imagination working full force. "I do not have words for you right now."

"Okay, but I will apologize for being an ass. You have been very specific, and I ignored it. I just... I let myself let go of control. You were right though, about me being scared. We're good together, as friends, and I don't want that to go away again. I just need time. Okay?"

"Okay."

October

Kris was in Adam's driveway waiting for a phone call, hoping his letter arrived before him.

 _Ten reasons Adam and Kris should be boyfriends:_

 _"My Life Would Suck Without You"- Kelly Clarkson_

 _1. **I know I've got issues, but you're pretty messed up too**. I think it's healthy that we both recognize that we are not perfect, that we both have reservations about this. You don't think I'm scared? I'm fucking frightened. At the same time, I want, and that's hard to ignore. And I know you want too. I think we both know that. So maybe we can work through those issues together. Maybe we can fight over them and then make-up about it._

 _"Unusual You"- Britney Spears_

 _2. **You got me all twisted and confused it's so you-** Really. You know all those dates you and Danny set up for me? You know why they didn't work? None of them were you. I keep thinking about you, and it's kind of scary. I'm not asking for a lifelong commitment: just dinner and a movie. ok? Maybe once I go out with you, I’ll discover I don’t want it so much. Or maybe it will turn out just fine._

 _"Falling Slowly"- Glen Hansard:_

 _3. **You have suffered enough, it's time you won.** I realize you've had friends, you've had lovers, but never really both at the same time. I want to show you it's possible. I want you to know how much better it is that way._

 _"If I Can't Have You"- Yvonne Elliman_

 _4. **Can't let go, doesn't matter how hard I try** \- You know I won't give up. Once I get a hold of an idea, I can't let it go. I can't let you go. Please._

 _  
"Come Home"- One Republic_

 _5. **There's something I've been missing, I think they could be the better half of me** \- I don't know how many times I've said this, but I really do think you and I fit so well together. There are so many things about you I wish I had. But because I don't, that makes you so much better for me. Does that make sense?_

 _"Lovin You"- Minnie Riperton_

 _6. **Lovin you is easy cause you're beautiful**. I don't think I've ever said that to you. You are beautiful. Sometimes it staggers me. And not just your face. All of you, inside and out. I feel like I'm next to a masterpiece sometimes._

 _"Let Me Down Easy"- Chris Isaak_

 _7. **Can't you hear my heart is calling, you don't know how hard I've fallen for you.** Ok, so I'll admit I'm not in love with you. Yet. It could be very easy. I want to see if love is possible again. I want to see you seeing that love is possible again._

 _"Heartless"- Kanye West-_

 _8. **Ain't gonna find nobody better than me**. How many times have you told me I'm perfect? Have you ever thought that maybe I'm perfect for you? I'm your type, and what's better, I'm no longer married and according to the media, bisexual. Sorry I couldn't go all the way, but I think girls are great. But not as great as you. (bet you are laughing)_

 _"Radar"- Britney Spears_

 _9. **Think I can handle that, animal in the sack**. (I hope you are blushing, even though I'm not there to see it). Really. I've heard stories. And the indication from our two kisses says to me those stories are true. They are true, right?_

 _"Let's Get It On"- Marvin Gaye (by way of Matt Giruad)_

 _10\. call me._

 __Kris phone rang just as the door opened, outlining Adam's silhouette. "Get in here Allen."

"Hey." Kris grinned as he heard Matt's voice still ringing through the house.

Adam said nothing at first, turning off the stereo, then gathering Kris in and holding him tight.

"Do you really think I'm beautiful?" He whispered.

"Yeah. All the way through."

"You are perfect."

Kris leaned his head against Adam's shoulder. "No I'm not."

Adam laughed. "You know that's the real reason I've hesitated?"

"Because you think I'm perfect?"

"Because I think I'm going to be measuring everyone against you from now on. If we screw it up."

"I guess we better not screw it up then."

"So next Saturday sound good to you?"

"Sounds great."

Kris was fairly sure if he looked up, Adam's face would have the same foolish grin that was on his own.

November

Kris slammed the door, wincing when Danny called down. It was three o'clock in the morning, He should have known better, but sometimes his anger got the best of him.

"You ok?"

"No. Turn on TMZ. I'm pretty sure they have full footage."

Kris ran up the stairs, throwing his clothes on the floor and letting the hot water wash away the glitter, his resentment, his anger.

They had gone to a club. For the most part, Kris was surprised at how good a time he was having. He had first noticed the cameras while on the dance floor, purposely grinding closer to Adam. Might a well give them a show. They had been cuddling in a booth, lazily kissing when the voice came out of nowhere.

"So this looks cozy."

It was the reporter from New York. Later, when he watched the film, Kris recognized the brief shock in their faces.

"Yes it is ma'am. Thank you."

Kris turned back to Adam, but she was having none of it. "So, I'm just wondering. Were you lying to me in New York? Because that looked cozy too. And if you were lying then, how often, how long have you been lying to us?"

Kris clutched Adam's hand under the table. "Ma'am. I did not lie to you then. I have never lied about my relationships to the public. If you think otherwise, well then that's up to you."

They left the club, and she followed, asking questions at a mile a minute. They ignored her. Adam was quiet on the drive home.

"Adam."

"I know, I know."

"You're the one who told me that we'd have to deal with them."

"Yeah, but you're not the one accused of corrupting a good man, of breaking up a marriage."

"Adam, we know that's not true."

"Doesn't make it less shitty."

"What do you want me to do? Take an ad out in every paper telling them it was me who asked you out? Tell them it was me who started it all? Cause that's what I'll do!"

"Kris..."

"Not now. Later, okay?"

"Okay."

When Kris got downstairs. Danny was still there. "You had a fight."

"Kind of. I don't know. I just...It's tiring sometimes. I wish we had one day, just to ourselves. Like London. Like before."

"When exactly is before? Idol?"

"No. When we recorded that song for the movie. Kay could tell you stories."

"Are you going to be okay?"

"I don't know."

"Is there anything I can do?"

Kris smiled. "Not now."

Kris hoped because so far it had been working. So far, it had been just fine, even with the reporters. But deep down he wondered if they were both strong enough to handle the constant surveillance, the questions, the accusations.

(VI)

"I think the best part of Danny was his romantic streak. Even though he had every right to be bitter about love, he wasn't. For one brief moment in time, he had everything and it was gone. Taken. But despite all of that, all Danny wanted was for everyone else to have that. I'm sure all of you have been subjected to one of his set-ups. I was lucky enough to find someone myself. But without Danny, I'm not sure we would have gotten through the rough patches. So I thank him every day, for being so much about love. For understanding that love is everything."

December 2013

The last two weeks, Kris Allen had spent moping in Danny's kitchen. It wasn't the reporters he told himself, it was just that their schedules didn't match. He picked up the phone a dozen times, but he didn’t know what to say. It was around the fifth of December Danny finally snapped him out of it.

"So there's this house you should look at. I think it's perfect for you."

"You kicking me out?"

"Yes. I love you. man, but you need your own place. It's been three years now."

"Okay. give me the address, I'll go look."

"Here's the keys."

Kris laughed. "And how did you get those?"

" A little luck, a little name dropping. Go get dressed, go look at this house."

There was something in Danny's voice, but Kris couldn't quite place it. He shrugged, driving to the outskirts of town. The place was familiar. When he saw the house, he had to double check the address. Surely Danny was joking. He went in, frowning at the rundown state. It was a terrible house, it's only redeeming factor its beach location. And then he saw the backyard. He made a mental note to kill his former assistant for telling Danny the story, then another mental note to send her a dozen roses. The swing set was still there, held together by rust and memories. Kris carefully placed himself on one, slowly rocking back and forth.

"I thought I recognized the neighborhood."

Kris turned in the swing. "Adam?"

Surely it was his imagination, but there he was, just jeans a t-shirt and himself. "Hey, Kris."

Kris didn't move. "I-"

Adam walked over. "No. It's my turn to speak." He sat in the swing beside Kris, gently rocked. "Maybe I do want you to take a full page ad out in every newspaper. I don't know. Maybe we should talk about it. I just sometimes don't know how to deal with it. And if I come off as sullen, just slap me and tell me I'm being stupid, okay? Cause I am. I have written proof that it was you doing the pursuing, and that's enough for me."

Adam stood again, staring at the sun. Kris began to swing again, stopped as Adam turned.

"Okay, there's one more thing."

Kris stood with the swing behind him, unable to speak, frozen. Adam walked back over, cupped his face, pressed his lips against Kris's forehead, his eyes, pausing a moment on his lips. "I think I love you."

"So what are you so afraid of?" Kris sang softly.

At first Adam pretended to look hurt, then laughed. "Not funny, Allen."

"I'm pretty sure I love you too."

"Better."

Adam kissed him again, only to be interrupted by the squealing of the swingset. "We better get out of here," Kris whispered.

"Yeah, where?"

"I don’t know. Bob's sounds pretty good."

Adam shook his head, but they went there anyway. It was exactly the same. The people did like Adam there, who could not like Adam? The waitress was the same one they had had years ago, and she made friendly conversation with them, never once letting on she knew exactly who they were. They tipped her ten times the bill and then some. Then they took pictures with her, just in case her best friend didn’t believe.

"I’m putting this on our wall of fame," she said, Kris and Adam grinning at each other.

"I told you they loved you there."

"Why do you always have to be right about everything, Kris? "

"Cause I am?"

They reached their cars.

"Come home with me."

Kris doesn't blink, doesn't even think about it. "OK"

(VII)

"The funny thing is that the most important thing I ever learned from Danny was one of the first things I ever learned from him. Every night on tour he would give a speech. 'Don't let your mistakes define your life.' He told me once, and I think I'm allowed to tell you now, that trying out for American Idol was one of the biggest mistakes of his life. Because he hadn't given himself enough time to mourn. But he didn't let that ruin his life, he just rolled with the punches and learned from it. Just like every other part of his life. And I'd like to say that I try my best to do that too."

January-February 2014

Kris chose Ellen, because he liked her, told her no question was off the table. When he turned bright red on national television when asked about the sex, he realized some questions probably should have been left alone.

Kris still hadn't officially moved out of Danny's, nor officially moved into Adam's. He lived a half life between them both. He supposed he should get his own place, but he had plenty of time.

They fought about all sorts of stupid things, break up half a dozen times. But then they would see each other, and the make-up sex was amazing. Or that's what Adam said. Kris thought it was their way of testing each other. He actually enjoyed the fights, and not just because of the make-up sex. But because it meant that they were normal.

Kris did not think of it when Danny went out that one time in early February. He barely believed it when Danny came up with a cough two weeks later. Of course he had broken up with Adam (again, this time it was Kris's annoying habit of singing off key in the shower.) He drove Danny to the hospital himself.

"It's just a cold."

"Even colds are dangerous, so shut up."

"Yes, mom."

It was bronchitis. Kris drove home alone, as they wanted to keep Danny in observation. Except he didn't want to be in Danny's house alone. So he drove to Adam's.

"I thought we broke up again yesterday." Adam tilted his head. "Kris, what's wrong?"

"I took Danny to the hospital today. He has bronchitis."

"That's not good."

"No." Kris sat down, folding himself into a ball.

"Kris?"

"I shouldn't have let him go out that day. It was too cold. It was too-"

"Kris?"

He opened his eyes, found Adam looking directly at him. "Yeah?"

"Are you Danny’s mother? His wife? Is he not a full grown adult?"

"No, no, yes."

Adam pulled Kris close. "It's not your fault."

"I just-"

"I know. You've been taking care of him. But it's still not your fault. Come here."

Kris let himself be rocked, held. Adam was right of course. It didn't make the guilt go away, but it helped. Sometimes he forgot that he wasn't responsible for Danny, because Danny was like his brother. So Kris automatically felt responsible in that familial way, in the way where everything that happened to Danny was tied to him, even if it had nothing to do with him.

*  
"Adam?"

"Yeah?"

"Why do we keep breaking up?"

"Because the next step in our relationship is either breaking up or moving in, and I don't think I want you living here just yet."

"I practically am anyway."

"Kris-"

"That's okay, I have time to work on it."

One week later the bronchitis turned into pneumonia. Kris began to call Danny's family. The doctor's seem hopeful, but Kris has read everything on the disease. Bronchitis and pneumonia on already damaged lungs was not a good thing. Danny's mom arrived within a day, taking up residence in Danny's house and insisting on cooking for both Kris and Adam. They have both cleared their schedules, despite their publicists screams. Danny had had been there for them, they were going to be there for him.

"Your mom has totally adopted us. It's kind of depressing."

"Really?" Danny's voice is thick, his breathing wet and heavy. "I thought maybe Kris would have moved in with you by now and you'd be having drug fueled orgies."

"I could have lived my whole life without ever hearing the word orgy from you Gokey."

"I do what I can, Lambert."

Adam had to go, promising to be back tomorrow. He had to reschedule an important appearance, and he was going to use his wit and charm to make it happen,

"He doesn't want me to move in yet," Kris said after Adam was gone. "But I'll convince him otherwise."

"You love him."

"Yeah. I love him."

"Good. I'm glad you are happy. Don't let him get away. Not that I think you will, but don’t let it happen. I'm not gonna be there the next time you mess up."

"Danny..."

(VIII)

Kris paused, the last two note cards in his hand. "So mostly I've talked about stuff everyone knows. But that was what I liked the best about Danny. Eventually, once you got past the outside, everything you saw was good. He was the most unselfish guy I knew. He did everything for everyone else, and never asked for anything in return. But the best part about Danny was that no matter what, he had a smile on his face. He liked to laugh. He was genuinely a happy soul."

It was late February. Danny had been in the hospital for three weeks. The doctors kept trying to fight the pneumonia, the bronchitis, but they were losing. Allison swept into town dragging Matt along. They had been able to clear a few days. The others were coming, but Kris knew it was only a matter of time.

"Uno!" Matt gloated as he slapped down a card. "Draw Four, Gokey, color is red!"

Danny grinned "Yeah, yeah, whatever."

"So I heard Kris was crashing at your place now Lambert?"

"I think you heard wrong," Adam glared at Kris, who shrugged.

"I said nothing. It's probably Danny scheming again."

"Uh-huh. I know you. You are going to badger me about it until I cave. I don't think plaid and my decor match very well."

"Well maybe I don't want to move in."

"Cough, LIAR! Cough!" Allison giggled. "You may have gotten better at lying Kris, but anyone can see that was a complete joke."

"Reverse psychology is not your thing, Kris, just annoy the hell out of him like you did before," Danny chimed in.

"Wait a sec. Danny doesn't know?"

Kris looked at Adam. "No. I came up with those on my own."

"What are you talking about?" Matt dropped his card, now engrossed in the conversation

Kris looked down as Adam smiled. "He made me a playlist of songs and reasons why I should be his best friend, why I should be his boyfriend. They were super adorable and extremely convincing."

"There you go, make him a mixtape."

"Thanks," Kris said drily. "Draw Four Matt, Yellow. Oh, and Uno."

He grinned slowly. He had slipped the card in his hand while Matt was distracted. Danny shook his head, but smiled anyway.

*

It was the infection that killed him.

It wasn't uncommon in long-term hospital patients, but Danny was already weak. It was four in the morning when Kris first heard about the infection. It was five when he arrived at the hospital. It was six when he woke again, leaning into Adam, holding his and Allison's hands. It was eight that night when the doctor called Danny's family into see him. It was midnight March the second when he died.

It was sometime later Kris found himself kicking the wall, crying, yelling. Luckily no one else had come back to Danny’s yet. Luckily he was alone. Or so he thought.

"Kris?"

"Leave me alone, Adam."

"No. Not until you talk to me."

"What is there to say?"

"I don't know. Why are you angry? I thought we'd gotten past angry. We've had plenty of time to be angry."

Kris laughed. "That's the problem with defining stages of grief. They come at you in so many ways. This whole time, these last weeks, I've been cycling between anger and bargaining and denial and grief, and I remembered something."

"What's that?"

"This whole time... It's hard, you know? Because technically he's been dying for the last three years, but there was always that slim chance, so you never really knew whether or not to prepare yourself. Because maybe there was a chance, he's alive. But at the same time, he has something that was going to kill him. That did kill him, in the end. So maybe we didn't prepare enough?"

"Okay," Adam stepped forward. "I'm still not sure I understand."

Kris leaned against the wall. "Do you know what I'm feeling right now?"

"No."

"Relief. And that makes me sick. I'm relieved. " Kris felt his face twist. " Did you know sometimes... sometimes I would think he would be better off if it was over?I’d imagine life without him there?" he laughed. "Guess I'm not so perfect now."

"Kris..." Adam stepped closer. "It's okay. Maybe it's normal to feel that way, cause in lots of ways I'm relieved too. Because he's not hurting anymore. Maybe it's normal to think that way. But I’ve said it once, and I'll say it again. It's not your fault."

They held each other tightly then, both of them shaking. Kris felt Allison's arms come around both of them, and the three of them stood there until Danny's family came home.

(IX)

"If I had one last thing to say, it would be that Danny may have stood in the background, but I think for most of us, he affected our lives so much that he was always right in front. I'll miss his advice. I'll miss his laugh. I'll miss his smelly feet. Most of all, I'll miss him."

After it was over, Danny’s mom took them aside. "I know what you two did for him."

Kris and Adam looked at each other. "What?"

"His doctors told me that you both approached them, separately, asked if you could pay his medical bills. You shouldn't have."

Kris rubbed his neck, glancing over at Adam, who was examining his feet. "Ma'am, he, we, I-"

"Hush now. Thank you. Now I believe you two made the last few years better for him. You know that?"

Adam shook his head," No, it was the other way around."

*

Kris was back at a hotel. He had bought land, but wasn't really sure he wanted to build a house. He didn't want his house. He wanted to live with Adam. Unconsciously songs began to form in his head.

  
 _Nine Reasons Adam Lambert and Kris Allen should live together_

 _  
"I Want You Back"- Jackson Five_

 _1. **Tryin to live without your love is one long sleepless night** \- so when we broke up every week, it killed me. Really, I can't stand it when you aren't there. It would be a lot easier if we were in the same house, then I wouldn’t go crazy so often._

 _"Knock You Down"- Keri Hilton:_

 _2. **I never thought I'd be in love like this** \- seriously. It's scary sometimes. You said the next progression of our relationship was moving in or breaking up. We've tried breaking up. Obviously that isn't working, because we love each other too much._

 _"Because of You"- Ne-Yo_

 _3. **I'm so strung out on you I can barely move, but I like it and it's because of you**. Every day I'm with you, I want to be with you more. Love is a drug and you are it for me._

 _"Endlessly"-Muse_

 _4. **I won't give up.** I know this is the third time I've used this song, but you have to realize by now, when I want something badly enough I will get it._

 _"Avalanche"- David Cook_

 _5. **I feel alive beside you and all at once I can breathe again**. When you are gone away it is as if the air is gone. (no air-air-hahaha) But then you come back, and everything brightens again. I want to be the reason you come home, I want to be at our home when you get there. Our home._

 _"Four in the morning"- Gwen Stefani-_

 _6. **It's not fair how you are, I can't be complete, can you give me more?** Sometimes I get frustrated because I have to pull everything out of you. I've practically thrown myself at your feet most of the time, so just once more, give **me** something? I’ll never ask for anything again. Ever._

 _"Someone Like You"-New Order_

 _7. **You're everything to me, the sweetest symphony-** I'm not going to lie, I'm not going to beg. But you have to admit, we could make some pretty cool music (both literally and figuratively) together. I know that's corny, but so am I._

 _"Happy Together"- the Turtles_

 _8. **Me and you and you and me no matter how they toss the dice, it's meant to be**. Remember how I talked about fate? How fate let us meet, but the producers put us together? Well maybe fate gave us the circumstances to be together, and Danny pushed us most of the way. We'd be stupid to look fate in the eye and tell her she was wrong._

 _"We Go Together"- Grease_

 _9. **We’re for each other, like a wop ba ba lump and wop bam boom**. I mean that. Even though it shouldn't make sense, it does. Who else would make you a music list with Muse, the Jackson Five and songs from Grease? Who else knows everything about you but still wants to know more? I want to be your bop bam boom. I want to be with you. All the time. As much as I can._

 __

June 2014

Kris opened the envelope, grinned at the CD, stared open mouthed at the letter inside.

 _11 Reasons Kris Allen should..._

 _Ok, so I think this is totally corny, and more you than me. But it's tradition, right? I know I left out the subject, but the first song should clue you in._

 _"Will You Marry Me Boy"- Paula Abdul_

 _1. **Last night my heart spoke to me and it said you've found that lover friend, so now I've got the courage to ask you baby-** I know, it's cheesy, but somehow a cheesy song from the eighties seems just right for us. Plus it's Paula, so it’s perfect._

 _2. **I want to share your name**. The only reason I’ve waited this long is that I was waiting for the referendum to pass in May. In actuality the reason I didn't want you to move in with me was because I wanted to do things the traditional way (shocking, I know) But now that we can, let's go for it._

 _"Unusual You"- Britney Spears_

 _3. **Nothing About You is typical, nothing about you is predictable** \- I've always hated it when people call you boring. It aggravates me, because they obviously do not know you at all. Every day I am with you is a constant surprise, from your strange habits to other things I will not write down on paper. Someday our children may read these, I don't want to embarrass them too badly. Seriously Kristopher, if people only knew…_

 _4. **Maybe you're not human, cause only an angel would be so unusual**. Honestly. There are days I doubt your existence because you are an angel. Annoying, stubborn, wonderful, perfect angel._

 _"Never Tear Us Apart"-INXS_

 _5. **I don't have to tell you I love your precious heart**. What more can I add to that? Except that I love every part of you, from your crooked jaw to your kicky foot and everything else. I adore you._

 _"Knock you Down" Keri Hilton-_

 _6. **I'll admit it I was scared to answer love's call-** I know sometimes I've moved slowly. But I've had my heart broken before, so it's hard for me. But every day you wipe those fears away. Every day I begin to understand that there are a rainbow of reasons (ha didn't think you'd ever hear that again!) that we should be together._

 _"For good"- Wicked_

 _7 **You'll be with me like a handprint on my heart**. Every time you are away, I can feel you somewhere-in the house, holding my hand, holding my heart. We'll always be a part of each other. I just want to make it official_

 _"Someone Like You"- New Order_

 _8. **You're everything to me, the sweetest symphony. all that I try to be, you are my harmony** \- we do make good music together. (literally and figuratively). Let's continue to do so. On a daily basis. Hell any time we can. (Sorry kids)_

 _"If I Can't Have You"-Yvonne Ellman_

 _9 I **don't want nobody baby** \- it happened. Remember that I was scared that no one else would match you? I was right. you are perfect- for me. I don't want to compare you to anyone. I want you to be mine and mine alone. I want to be yours and yours alone_

 _"Lovin You"- Minnie Riperton-_

 _10. **No one else can make me feel the colors that you bring** \- I think I'm kind of beating a dead horse here, because I think by now you know how much you mean to me. At least I hope you do. Remind me to tell you every opportunity I get._

 _11. **Stay with me while we grow old** \- I cannot fathom a future without you in it. Please, just say yes._

Kris folded the piece of paper, following the note that told him to meet Adam at Bob's. "Okay-"

"No, don't say a word just yet, Kris, I have one more thing. Close your eyes and follow me and listen."

"Okay."

Kris felt himself being walked along the beach. "So here it is: I heard you bought land here. I think we should build a house here."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Our house. Not mine, not yours, ours. I already got something for it. Open your eyes."

Kris smiled broadly as he saw it, the swing set to end all swing sets.

"The bonus is the slide is big enough for both of us."

Kris sat on the swing, wiping a tear away. "I-"

Adam knelt, "Kristopher Neil Allen, will you marry me?"

Kris gave him a half smile. "I don't know. it's kind of sudden."

Adam hit him. "You've been pursuing me for the better part of two years!"

"Oh, I guess then we should. If you really want to."

"Kris!"

"Are you kidding, Adam?" He lifted Adam's lips to his own. "Of course I will"

September 2014

Kris was leaning against the slide when Adam handed him another paper. "I couldn't come up with songs, but I think my reasons are pretty sound."

 _5 Reasons why Kris and Adam should have a Baby_

 _1\. No matter the genetics, he or she will be adorable  
2 Seriously you and I would be the best dads ever: we have all the subjects covered  
3\. I think after marriage, babies is usually the next step  
4\. It would be a shame not to pass on my good looks and talent. And you're kind of okay too.  
5\. The people at Bob's would love to bounce a baby. you know they would._

 __Kris grinned, looks up. "Why'd you even make a list?"

"I don't know. It felt right."

Kris kissed Adam's cheek. "You are too perfect. you know that right?'

"I know."

Kris took Adam's hand, pulled him up to the slide. "I want more than one. Should I start compiling songs?"

"No. that sounds pretty good to me."

"Okay names?"

"Too early, don’t you think? But there was something else. "

"What’s that?"

"I mean, I’m not big on the whole religion thing, but Danny should totally be their honorary godfather. Or something."

Kris nodded. "I think we can manage that. "

He folded himself into Adam’s arms, imagining the future, imagining their children screaming and yelling and laughing. And he smiled.


End file.
